


APUSHetalia

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: American History, Historical, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5398517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>95% accurate American History</p>
            </blockquote>





	APUSHetalia

Once upon a time, there was this big chunk of land between Europe and Asia. We're talking huge. Like, bigger than your mom. (get rekt) Anyways, no one had found it yet (except for like 5 million people and also the Vikings and possibly the Ancient Egyptians) so then this Dutch dude named Columbus shows up like "Yo, I did some sweet math, and I could totally sail to Asia."

Now, contrary to popular belief, many people at the time totally knew that the Earth is round, and there were actually some pretty accurate measurements. So, Columbus rolls up in the Portuguese palace ('cause everyone in his home country of The Netherlands thought he was stupid) and is like "Yo, the Earth is this big, so let me sail to Asia."

Queen Isabelle (her husband was there as well, but that dude wasn't in Civ5 so he can't be that important right) was not an unintelligent lady. She knew that the Earth was like, twice the size that Columbus said it was. So, Isabelle looked Columbus in the eyes and called him stupid.

"You're stupid," she said.

But this guy who was standing next to Isabelle, the casual observer may have thought he was simply the Queen's advisor, the unhealthily obsessed fangirl would know that it was the personification of the country of Portugal, had other plans. "What if he's right?" Portugal questioned. "Think of all that phat cash!"

Now, at the time, multiple countries were looking for alternate ways to reach Asia, since the only ways were either around the literal entire continent of Africa, or the Silk Road, and the Arabian Traders on the Medditeranean refused to trade with anyone other than those Italians. More specifically, the Venetians, if you must know.

Queen Isabelle glared at Portugal. Portugal smiled back. Queen Isabelle glared at Columbus. Columbus held up the parchment with his insanely wrong math on it and smirked. "Fine," Isabelle announced. Portugal and Columbus cheered. "However," Isabelle announced, "you will be accompanied by Portugal. When this mission inevitably fails, and the ships are no doubt sunk from incompetence, you will swim home."

Columbus was too busy celebrating the fact that Isabelle had used the plural form of ship to notice Portugal's protests on the Queen's condition. "But your highness!" Portugal protested. "No one could possibly swim that far!"

"Then you must have faith in this idiot before us. However, be glad that you are a strong nation, as faith can not sail ships."

Anyways, Isabelle gave Columbus three ships and he soon set sail on the Atlantic. Portugal was freaking bored the whole time they were on the ocean. He totally regretted standing up for the fool. They were almost out of supplies, and he'd heard whispers of mutiny. Portugal wondered how long it would take him to get home if he started swimming now.

"Land!"

Portugal snapped his head up and looked across the water. He saw the previously yelled word and screeched. "In your face, Isabelle!" He yelled, slamming his hat to the ground and jumping up and down like a preppy schoolgirl.

It seemed like years before they finally got to land, and Portugal was the first person off the boat, thank you very much. He noticed that there were people crowding around, eager to see the new arrivals. "Hi!" He yelled, waving. "I'm Portugal! I'm here to make a profit! So can you nice people tell me where I am?" Portugal stood like an idiot on the beach while the rest of the sailors piled off the boats. "Columbus, you were right! We're in Asia!"

"And your Queen doubted my immense genius!" Columbus bragged. "Come, then. Let's see what these people have to offer." Columbus spent most of the day trading among the Natives, and low-key planning to enslave them. Also Columbus was totally jealous of how hot they were. (that's not a joke he literally wrote journals about how the Natives looked better than the most well bred dandy or something and with like no effort)

Anyways, while Columbus was being stupid and thinking he was in India, Portugal was also being stupid and thinking he was in India. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. India!" He said to the nation in front of him.

"We've been over this like twelve times I'm not India like I've never even heard of that," was probably the response.

"Awesome! So how about those spices? Some gold, maybe?"

So basically, what had happened was Columbus and Portugal returned, much to Queen Isabelle's surprise, and totally had some sweet goods in tow. Queen Isabelle was like "Yo, let's go get some more of that phat cash."

Portugal was so excited that he had totally whipped out a new passage to Asia that he immediately went and bragged to like, all of Europe.

All of Europe decided that they wanted some phat cash, too.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hate Hetalia and I haven't dealt with it in years but now I'm in APUSH and my brain's like hey remember when you used to write hetalia fanfic? you wrote about this. man you were inaccurate. you should do it over. anyways now i'm here. feel free to use this as a study guide or whatever i dont care  
> also this probably won't have a regular update schedule since im literally procrastinating right now and i have actual apush work to do but anyways feel free to comment or whatever because then im like oh dang people actually like this mess i should write more of that  
> please call me out if i do something inaccurate ok thx <3


End file.
